Are you networking or just collecting conversations?

Are you networking…or just collecting conversations?

A few mentees recently told me they need to network more. My first question is always – what do you think you need to do it for?

Because personally it took me a while to realise what #networking actually meant.

Early career, I was told…’You need to network more. People don’t know what it is you do.’

With the belief that networking meant exchanging business cards over coffee, I diligently booked a string of well-meaning but aimless conversations.

One particularly excruciating example was finally getting time with a senior exec, months in the making, only to watch them stifle yawns while I gave a detailed download about my team and work.

I could feel my enthusiasm and self-worth draining with every minute.

Not just because of their disengagement, but because I was disengaged too, I felt I was failing to impress.

I thought networking was about improving what others thought of me, crafting a perfect narrative.

Over the years I’ve heard so many similar stories. People being told networking is the key to success, only to find themselves in transactional, awkward exchanges that don’t go anywhere.

The common misconception? That networking is about information exchange and professional contacts… a sort of human Rolodex of collector cards, designed to impress not express.

The origins of the word ‘network’ go back to the 1500s, well before computer systems or business jargon. An arrangement of threads, wires, fibres. Presenting the appearance of a net or netting. An interconnected structure with purpose.

That’s what I think networking really is. Purposeful connection.

It’s not about collecting meetings or managing impressions.

It’s about curiosity. Generosity. The reciprocity – how can I leave this person a little better than I found them, not what can I get from them? What if we approached networking conversations with the aim to create a bridge between us?

This is also what I’ve come to realise about writing. It’s not about creating tidy sentences, or the right words for approval or awarded thumbs-ups. It’s about noticing what you notice and sharing it in case it can connect someone else to a thought, an idea they find useful. Perhaps there’s something that helps people feel less alone in their thinking. Less like they have to get it right straight away. More like they’re already on their way. Writing and networking are the bridges between people, not the transaction to something you need.

So maybe next time someone tells you to network more, don’t just collect the conversations like Panini stickers, look for the threads that might help you build a bridge.

I’ve been trying to collect and connect some of my writing in a book… slowly, quietly, in between life. It’s taking ages ✍️

The irony?

When I asked for some advice on what to do with my messy first drafts, the response was, ‘You need to network with more writers.’

I nearly gave up there and then!

Age giveaway if you know what the pic is!