Networking doesn’t need to be a dirty word

'I wanted to reach out but I didn't'.

I hear this often, and I’ve also said it.

A connection posted about this last week. It really resonated. So I commented and told them.

How often do we feel a connection. Maybe to someone who delivered a talk, wrote an article, worked in the same business. Something about them, or what they said, spoke to us.

And yet we stop ourselves from reaching out.

Why?

I know my reasons.

Fear of feeling insignificant if they don't respond. Worried how it seems. Critiquing 'who am I to try network with them?’ Assuming they must already know they're great.

What’s yours?

And yet the outcome when we lean in?

Connection. Growth. Dialogue.

Oh and sometimes tumbleweed, let's be honest, not everyone replies.

I get it. #Networking is a term that makes me feel queasy.

If an event I attended this week was named 'networking event' my stomach would have clenched. Not just because of my introverted persuasion, it’s how I've come to view the term.

It's definitely a hangover from being told in my early career ‘You need to network more. People don’t know what it is you do and you'll never get promoted.’

I've written before about this leading to booking a flurry of well-meaning but aimless conversations with the misguided idea networking was about improving what others thought of me.

I associated 'network' with 'I'm talking to you because of what you can do for me.' rather than 'I'm talking to you because I'm genuinely interested in you.'

I was so wrong.

You don't try build a network. You build a community.

Going to events shouldn't be about 'working a room'. You have conversations.

You don't leverage contacts. You cultivate relationships.

It’s not about collecting meetings or managing impressions. It’s about curiosity. Generosity.

The reciprocity of how can I leave this person a little better than I found them, not what can I get from them.

What if we just had the aim of creating a real connection?

I don't know about you, but when someone reaches out to me with 'hey, something you said/did resonated', it's like a bridge stretching across a divide. Whatever your job title, as a leader, a human, it’s amazing. You feel seen.

And when someone else writes or says aloud something-a thought, a feeling, a way of seeing the world in a way that I thought was only in my head? It’s as though someone has reached out, put a hand on my shoulder and said 'yeah, me too.'

So why not tell them.

Not everyone will respond.

And that's not your weakness.

You are the strong one for reaching out in a world that can be starved of authentic connection.

Semantics, but reframing networking as bridge building made it more human to me. Activating community, real connection, real conversation.

So maybe next time at the keyboard or stepping into that event with ‘stranger danger’ fears ask:

-Who can I be curious about?

-Who might like to know I've seen them?

Even if your first message takes three drafts and a deep breath, do it!